I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize