Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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