The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
