Christians are straight up FREAKS
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
