I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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