I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
