But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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