end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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