And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
