During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
