Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
try to milk me bitch
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