my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
