I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
