im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
