i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
