I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we made out on top of his cat.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
