I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
only if we run a train.
done.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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