Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
