Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
