Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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