TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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