Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
