Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
