we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
