just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
