I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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