Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
