butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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