That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
