Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
