Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
