Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Enjoy the penises
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
