U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
