i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
