This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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