woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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