is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
