Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
