I hate all girls vehemently.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize