He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
