Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
