Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
