i permit you to call me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
