who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize