I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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