he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The air was thick with penises
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize