we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
