Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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