Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So much rum. So many feels.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
