i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
