My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
