He told me they were just razor bumps!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
