:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize