strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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