This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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