were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
