you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
