dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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