omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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