I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
