someone owes me an orgasm
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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