apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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