At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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