ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
