If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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