Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
