Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
