According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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