The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
