Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
