do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
