I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
