well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
