Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
