theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
