I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
