I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize