I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think my moral compass just broke
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