we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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