the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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