Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
whose ass print is on the piano?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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