Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize