I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
