Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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