you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
