I'm gonna have a badass scar
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
so much tequila, so little girl.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
