her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
