New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
