Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
