he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
