I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
