Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
