Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
