I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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