And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
