Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
